There is a moment in motherhood when your experience as a parent changes forever. It is not predictable; it happens in one very quick instant. It is a graduation of sorts from the exhausting world you know to a new existence where vaguely familiar, yet strangely foreign things occur. You may be at the park, the pool or a birthday party, and all of a sudden it happens. You realize you’ve sat down and actually stayed there, uninterrupted. It’s official–you have graduated from “stand-up” to “sit-down” mom.
It may seem like a trivial occurrence to most. But to those parents who have spent a minimum of six years putting their feet up only at bedtime, it’s a big deal. Until your youngest child is about 5 or 6, you are on your feet constantly, chasing your offspring around the park, through the clothing racks at the mall and around the grocery store.
You are continually needed to provide meals, push the swing and function as the primary play date and caretaker of your child. It can be isolating even though you are typically surrounded by other moms also eager for adult conversation. Yet you can’t take your eyes off little Jimmy for two seconds fearing he will climb to the highest point of the play structure and yell, “Hey Mom! Watch me jump!”
I noticed the sit-down, stand-up phenomenon most recently at my favorite”write the check and you’re done” birthday establishment, Pump It Up. (Yes, go ahead and sue me for just writing a check. That place is a busy parent’s dream come true.) As we stand-ups chase our 2- and 3-year-olds around the room, praying they don’t make the air hockey puck their afternoon snack or get stuck in the deepest valley of the obstacle course, we can’t help but notice our sit-down colleagues on a bench enjoying their grown-up conversation while their slightly older children go up and down the giant slide unassisted over and over again.
We stand-ups know our day will come, but for now, we let out a brief “poor me” sigh, dreaming of the day when we actually may, well, sit.
Stand-ups really envy the sit-downs at the swimming pool. Sit-downs have water-safe kids and no longer experience the horror of baring stretch marks and cellulite to join their likely-to-sink splash machines in the pool.
I remember my 2-year-old last summer ordering me not to touch her and to get out of the pool because, “I do it! I don’t need Mommy,” while my4-year-old was attempting to swim for the first time without his floating vest, and my water-safe child wanted me to watch him dive to the bottom to retrieve a toy over and over and over again.
As I flailed around thinking I needed two other sets of eyes and arms, I noticed another mom who wisely brought her water-safe child to the pool with one of his friends. She sat down and read a book. Though I love swimming and playing with my kiddies, especially when there is sufficient parental back-up, the grass was looking pretty darn green under her lounge chair that day.
It’s also hard to miss the two groups of parents at soccer games. Sit-downs watch their children’s soccer matches on the sidelines, occasionally sipping coffee, while cheering for the players and chatting with other sit-downs. The stand-ups, however, don’t bother to bring chairs since their time is spent keeping one eye on the field while trying to coax their screaming toddlers off the nearby play structure.
We stand-ups look at the sit-downs longingly, wanting to be a part of that group. Sit-downs seem calmer, less weary, better dressed (don’t ask me why that matters), and more confident in their new-found freedom. It’s as though they’ve reached the promised land where they have the ability to focus, concentrate and converse, something most stand-ups haven’t experienced since before parenthood.
I know it’s the journey that counts, not the destination. There will be an undeniable pang in my heart when my little one(s) would rather do their own thing than play with me. And soon they will be teenagers and will want to disassociate themselves altogether from their loving sit-down parents. The wise women in the Mom tribe, including my very own, tell us younger mothers not to rush it, that it goes by so fast. I will feel a sense of loss when I no longer hear, “Mom, come chase me! Mom, watch me do this! Mom, play with me in the pool!” This I do know.
But for now, to this mother of three young, active children, being a sit-down once in a while sounds pretty darn good, especially since the grass is so much greener under their lounge chairs.
